First, I want to say that I am a woman of my word and have been working strenuously to address some of the issues I brought up in my last post. I was trying to explain that by forgetting my routines, I was losing the key tools that kept me in a (somewhat) healthy physical/psychological state. I realized that, by forgetting these, I was crippling myself. So I made some resolutions... and have been respectably following them! Here are my quick brags--because I want to give evidence that even in your worst state, you CAN tackle those issues! (note--all of these have improved my mood, every single one)
- I am consistently working out. My goal is at least one hour a day. Every day. On days I can't handle running/biking, I swim or do yoga. And, yes, I am running again!! I was so scared to start, I felt for certain that my abdomen would hurt or I'd burst a cyst or some other catastrophe. But, I tackled my fears, and just ran. I ran 2 miles the first day, 3 the next, 4 the next. I alternate my workouts (swim/bike/run/dancing/etc.), so this is over a couple of weeks. I honestly felt like I had climbed a mountain that first day. I was so proud of myself. I was scared, but I did it, and I am so glad I did.
- I have reduced my 'wasted time' (e.g., web browsing, movies, video games, naps, etc.) and upped my productivity. Even when I do not feel like studying, I read rather than play games, or clean. I have done a lot of cleaning these past few days. Keeping myself engaged in productive activities with tangible/visible results has been both mentally stimulating and made me feel more accomplished.
- I have been more social. I have a confession. After Lupron, I wasn't able to remember people's faces. This could be a minor prosopagnosia or just simple anxiety interfering with my memory. Meaning, the memory effects may have been temporary but I can't forget them so I struggle still. I don't know yet, but for now, social situations have been a little stressful for me because I don't recognize people's faces very well. So I had avoided situations. But now, I'm just diving in--because the only way I'll get better, is by practice! Not to mention it feels great to have the love/support/contact with my friends and family.
- I have been sticking to routine bedtimes/wake up times. Which is why I now have to cut this entry short. It is time for bed. But thank you for reading, I will try and finish expanding this list tomorrow.